$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
