she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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