Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
