do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
