I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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