i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
