I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
