From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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