if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
