yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
