If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
