I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sobbing to NWA
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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