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you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize