I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
