There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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