No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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