If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
