don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
