I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
