We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
