mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
and you said cock pushups were impossible
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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