You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
