Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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