If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
