We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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