Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
