Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
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