i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
