just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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