Christians are straight up FREAKS
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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