Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
