y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
