SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
