im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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