I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Vodka?
Forever.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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