So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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