Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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