Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
