They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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