Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
