I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
