Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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