look no pants
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
