i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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