My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
how drunk are you?
Several
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
