I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
