He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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