i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
