no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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