Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
